How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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