I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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