I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
