And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
