I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize