'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
