You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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