okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
