Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
