my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
