yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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