New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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