Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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