I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
