Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
