Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
