I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
