my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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