HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
