hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my liver is dry heaving
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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