Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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