My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
