You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
