Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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