i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
