My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
