Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
