i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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