I'm gonna have a badass scar
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
