I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
