Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
