my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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