he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
