I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
