what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
