i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
