he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize