They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
