he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
