Barsexuality is the new black.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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