It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize