my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
