youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
