she takes plan B like it's going out of style
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
