You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize