Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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