You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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