i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize