mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
