Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
