i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
