best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
