What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
