omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
