No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
