??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
zippers are such a cool invention
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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