I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ok first of all what the fuck
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
