she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
