we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
