last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
