Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize