I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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