ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize