he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
