and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
