Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
