wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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