Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize