i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
