the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
