His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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