my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
