I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
